Phoning it in

I don't remember having this picture taken (it must have been Amelia) but I when I first discovered it I couldn't take my eyes off of it. I didn't recognize the woman in the picture. (never mind the hair color). She seemed so old, so tired, and so sad. I wouldn't necessarily describe myself in that manner, but as I watch my children grow and develop into their own beings I realize they don't need me like they used to. My days are still consumed with their well being, struggles, and happiness. But as they are maturing and growing, as they should, their need for me is diminishing and I am having a difficult time adjusting. It's heartbreaking. A few months ago I felt the whisperings to take time to enjoy the little things and let everything else go. I needed to hunker down and just be still so that I can be present for those moments when they do need me to "mama them". I imagined myself like a bird watcher this winter waiting for the elusive sightings of a rare sparrow. I needed to be aware so that I can catch them mid-flight, take their hands, and hold them tight. It was a grand exercise in stillness and I am grateful I listened. I knew I "should" be blogging, but I didn't "need" to be blogging. The last few months of observing them have seemed like a blessed dream. After some quiet meditation this weekend, I realized that it was time to come back and resume my documenting duties as best as I can. I have neglected this blog, their blog, in hopes of holding on to them. What greater purpose does this blog have then to document their lives?