A Letter of Closure to the Loser who Made off with my stroller

Hi, I'm Rebecca. I steal strollers. I have a miserable life.

Dear Funbecca81:

Christmas is a time of year to make ammends, forgive others, and to let go of grudges. It is in that spirit I am writing this to you although I will probably never send it to you. I wanted you to know the means I have taken to get what was rightfully mine returned and how it has taken over my life so I can purdge these feelings and really move on. Are you surprised I knew it was you? Truth be told, when it happened I was sure it was a mom and your face popped into my head. So the next morning when my friend mentioned she saw you and the time line fit I was sure. Why would you be trick or treating in my neighborhood when you moved to a different town last February? You might not remember me but I knew your nursery, sunbeam, CTR 5, CTR 7, and CTR 8 when you started to bring them in mid-November and I missed them when you stopped bringing them in January. Did you have a nice Christmas? As a side note, you should really think about updating your DMV, mailing, and school records. Also, sorry about that nasty little blip in your record. I never made it down to courthouse to find out what happened, but it must be something sort of big to have you go to such efforts to not be found. Surely it wasn't stealing, was it? I have had you followed home several times a week and I would like to suggest that if you are going to have your 3rd grader attend a school 2 cities north that you at least make an effort to pick her up on time. It was sad to see her sitting by the tree by herself all alone. Also, you should lay off the fast food and going out. We followed you to pizza hut twice and to a Mexican restaurant. And that time we followed you up the canyon for your little ATV trip? Where were your other kids? When you posted an ad for MY STROLLER on KSL were you surprised I called and set up a time to come get it? Did you know I had the money in hand and was willing to buy it back from you? In retrospect, I suppose our having the cops all undercover there as well might have been a bummer to you but when you pulled the ad and denied knowing who Rebecca was the cops thought you were fishy. Good thing I pulled the information of the other things your were selling before they got taken down as well. Formula for $10.00 a can? Come on, you know WIC formula should go for more than that. Good thing we had a friend pose as a buyer for that phone so we could get INTO your house.
$110.00
TXTM8 Cricket black Titanium Slider Phone in BOX!
provo, UT 84606 - Nov 25, 2009
New phone slightly used! comes with box and charger! 3 G megapixel has keyboard, speaker phone Blue tooth enabled has greenday 21 guns and Linkin park ring tones already downloaded ring tone loaded already.
He mentioned you acted suspiciously and had lots of strollers in your living room. Curious. He didn't see my stroller but he did see others. That information was passed onto the cops.

I am intrigued about one of your ads. Although I realize its for Pat your "husband" the chainsmoker it reads
Any reasonable offers
Car and dirt bike and quad mechanic!
provo, UT 84606 - Nov 23, 2009
I worked for a car lot for 5 years and help people fix they're for a cheap price! got laid off and looking for side work. I am honest and reliable I have very good references! I fix all kinds of things give me a call to inquire about anything! I can fix CV axles, brakes, alternators, timing belts, fuel pumps, water pumps, speed sensors, any belts, transmissions, motors, catalac converters, radiators and anything else just call and i WILL give you a GREAT price! Ive also fixed quads and motor bikes!

Honest and reliable? That's a bit of a stretch now isn't it. You both work for the state of Utah making under $12.00/hour so I can imagine you might need to look at other means of income. Maybe if you sold this?
$100.00
GT Chrome BMX
provo, UT 84606 - Nov 23, 2009
Has three piece cranks very nice bike great for skatepark ramps and everyday riding freestyle!

Or was that stolen as well? Shoot. Well, you should know all the Kid2Kids in the area have a picture of the stroller, my phone number, your name and phone number and instructions to call the police if you try to sell it there. Also, the pawn shops and the play it again sports? They have a mandatory 15 day hold so they can check police reports making it hard to ditch there. Garage sales? Yeah. My stroller isn't really the "market" for those events so maybe you are stuck. I admit my lowpoint of the whole ordeal was when I called you 3 times screaming GIVE ME BACK MY STROLLER! You hung up on me then didn't pick up the phone. I got Pats voicemail. I want you to know whenever I thought about Stollergate I got a dark and yucky feeling inside. I saw an ad on KSL for a new stroller and I got a sunshiney happy feeling inside. Did I want to continue feeling dark and yucky or happy and sunshiney? I went to the bank, got the cash, and chose sunshine. During the drive to get my new happy stroller I didn't think about you once. It felt good. I am sorry you have a life that means you need to steal. Its wrong and you should know better. Your life must be really bad. I do want justice for this, but I might have to wait for it. I found out that what I really really want is a stroller, and now I have on again.

On a closing note, I would like to dedicate this song to you with a warning:
Don't steal my sunshine.


Sincerely,
ME