The Mother of Geese

Now now now... Raise your hand if you thought my last post alluded to a bun in the oven. (don't be shy) I am very sorry to disappoint (and slightly medically and surgically unable) your dreams of more geese in this nest. Without going into details, because really, who wants details, my week has included more of this: Fool me once, you tricky little cup. I will not be squeezing or bending you for a better fit. And 900 ml of this nasty that had to be consumed in an hour. It would have been super helpful for the techs to advise me to drink as much water as soon as I could after the scan in order to get this stuff and some iodine out of my body. (is this where I'm supposed to apologize for the urping that occurred in the parking lot under the car on my way home? no, well. too bad. Karma, man.)Lesson learned everyone. Do not ignore those simple UTIs because they can progress into 80 kinds of nasty on the kidneys. Moving on... I found some long forgotten pictures of an outing with Ma...

The following events have occurred in the last few weeks: When the recipe called for vanilla I threw in soy sauce. Bottle looked the same. Unfortunate. I headed downstairs in my skivvies in the middle of the night with a bit of a hurty tummy. Failed to properly close the blinds and I didn't want to turn on any lights revealing more than entirely warranted or necessary to the neighbors. Reached into the medicine cabinet for the pepto. Opened the top, took a big gulp. It was paint. Bottles felt the same. Unexpected. I sprayed my body with hair spray. And yes, perfume in the hair. Bottles do not look the same. Unnecessary. After a quick trip to the dr. (first time in 2 plus years, holla!) I needed to pee in a plastic cup. Thought it would "fit" better if I squeezed the cup a bit. After my business, I unsqueezed the cup and got. a. suprising. splash. of. my. urine. on. my. face. Uncalled for. Hoping to get all underlying medical issues settled this week so I can escape this f...

(these pictures have nothing to do with this post. I took them while she was "practicing her face" for picture day. I don't know which one she settled on.) I thought I would share a little conversation had with the eldest. After making a delicious dinner of Chicken Curry with Basmati Jasmine Rice, I explained that the curry is commonly used in Indian cooking. Abbie: Did you know Indians drink cow blood? Me: No I think you might be confused with something else. People of India love cows. In fact they worship them. Abbie: Nope. They drink blood. I know it. Brad: No they don't...(and on and on) Brad picks up that maybe she has "Indians" confused with "Native Americans". Let the record state no one in our house refers to Native Americans as Indians and we haven't since about the 1st grade. Anywho.. Brad goes to get a proper google earth map and tries to explain the location of where India is versus where Native Americans live. Brad: So you remember...

Precious child had a field trip to the fire station last week. She did worksheets about fire safety. (toasters bad, cookies good etc...) Bounced through an obstacle couse Told everyone in her group whats the what about fire trucks. And watched a creepy loud VHS by Allstate Insurance about Fire Safety. It even had Little Richard in it. It was wierd. But apparently, some of the concepts stuck with her. Precious child came home and called 911. Twice. In retrospect, when she asked me how to make a house explode, I should have seen the writing on the wall. "Like an explosion in your house." I didn't feel too alarmed by this line of questioning until I saw a police car drive up. I say "look guys! It's a police car! see it?! Look Max! Police Car! er, why is he coming to our house?" ding dong!. Amelia looks at me and says "mom! don't let him in! Do NOT open that door". Busted. After I explain to the irritated officer that we are all fine, blah blah bla...

Amelia is learning all about the letter F this week. On F-ridays she gets to bring something to class that starts with the letter of the week. F-abulous! She insisted on bringing F-ish. I thought it would be F-un and probably F-ine with the teacher. Unless the jar opens. In which case perhaps the class may learn another F-word. F-uhgetaboutit.

hey hey hey ba-de-ah! Say that you'll remembah!

School has finally started for the middle child! (cue the hallelujah chorus). I almost wanted to attach a note to her new Hannah Montana backpack that said "Good luck, Suckas!! Mostly she is as sweet and helpful as can be but I sure hope you don't anger the beast inside because she will shun you so fast then start hurling insults." (where oh where did she learn such choice phrases as You're NOT my mom! This is NOT my house! I want a NEW family! I'm leaving this Place! You SUCK fun from me!*). But I didn't. Suffice it to say, we are all benefiting from having 7.5 hours a week apart from each other so she can return to being a little more sugar and a little less vinegar. *I might know where that particular phrase originated. And the correct phrase is "please don't suck the fun out of this situation". When I went to kiss her goodbye she turned her face then licked my face. Nice. How I love that.

And he's handy with a computer. After asking/fighting with the girls to straighten their room I pleaded with Brad to go and get the trash bags because they obviously don't care about their things. so not only did he bag the stuff, he also created a catalog for them to earn it back. The descriptions kill me. (My favorite are the lion and the undies-slightly dirty). Abbie's Catalog

There are short-cuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them. ~Vicki Baum

I first thought it was like a terrorist kidnapping because if you look closely the dog is blindfolded. There is what looks like newspaper in the background telling the date. I really need to lay off the CNN news. Turns out she just styled some sunglasses. And tried to make a day at the mall scene. (shown 4 pictures out of 19)

Dear Heidi, I don't know why this amuses me so. I have your pictures. I don't email them to you. I blog them. It's funny to me. Just so I know, whose wedding was that? When did Mateo graduate? I might as well get the details right seeing as I have them all. I think it's funny AND convenient not bringing your camera everywhere. And seriously, its not like YOU were ever going to blog them, Facebook girl. (I suppose this means you're not going to be emailing me the pictures from the caves and canyon then right?) Heidi's kid Sarah experiencing J-Dawg love Heidi's other kid Mateo munching the Dawg

(in the spirit of full disclosure these pictures are from Heidi's camera. I was supposed to email them to her about 2 weeks ago. But come on, like SHE is EVER going to blog this. Not judging. Just saying.) On our way to the museum one day we stopped to watch the fire department doing some drills. They generously invited us to come over and take a tour of the truck. Max's head nearly exploded he was so excited. Fire fighter Tino Sarah Mateo Abbie Amelia Getting fitted with the mandatory ropes. Tino and Mateo took a ride up 110 feet in the ladder. It was so great for them. I love Mateo's face. Up And Up. We enjoyed the view from the safe ground below. 110 feet is a long way up. I think the cats in Lehi who get stuck in a tree will be just fine.

This little "joker" really likes black beauty smoothies (blueberry yogurt, blackberries, soy milk) No matter how I attempt to style her hair she pulls a strip straight down the middle of her forehead. I spend most of the day putting it back where I think it should go. She also made a sign for her bed with a red x and the words NO HUMANS allowed. She really doesn't like people on her bed. Hey exterminator man, buy some spray from Home Depot rather than taking on the wasps by yourself. Check out those impressive implants on his hand and lips though. Hazen is running around realizing that we came wholly unprepared with our bread rations for the sea of ducks awaiting us. Run Hazen Run! Hazen decided to eat the bread himself then chuck hunks of mud to the ducks. I made the boys wear matchy matchy because I could keep track of them. I didn't want the ducks to carry them off somewhere. First day of school (a week ago). There are 84 kids that get picked up on the 2 stops in o...